July 14, 2010

"Last Man", Lebron Version

This last winter, I followed Kyle Whelliston, aka MidMajority, on his quest to be the last man in America to hear who won the Super Bowl. Living in Indianapolis, it would've been next to impossible for me, but I loved the idea. He removed himself from all "sportz" and was successful.

This whole "OMG WHERE WILL LEBRON GO?!" drama that's been going on for all too long was getting to me. Originally I was just going to watch the last 20-minutes or so of the television show ESPN, and be on my way. But then something came over me. At about 8:55PM (the "show" was supposed to come on at 9:00PM) I had enough of Facebook, Twitter, ESPN, and every single person I know texting me to ask me where he'd go. I was done with the entire thing. I decided to go rogue, Last Man style.

So there I sat, watching the clock. About 9:55PM, I knew he had oh so dramatically announced where he would spent his next four or five years for an ungodly amount of money. But I was watching Kenny vs. Spenny instead. Here I am now, writing this. I have to be very careful which bookmarks I click, what texts I read, and where I go. But I'm determined to make it past the World Cup Consolation & Final this weekend and break into next week a clean man.

From there, we'll see.

Thursday, 11:03PM - I already want to call my dad and talk to him about what happened. Kerri is asleep, and I'm watching downloaded television shows. This is going to be horrible, mainly because the rest of my sports (and sportz, I admit shamefully) knowledge will suffer completely.

Friday, 1:34AM - Normally, I'm going between Facebook and Twitter, hoping another insomniac is out there to talk to. Not tonight. Dang.

Friday, 12:36PM - It looks like toast with fresh-ground peanut butter, and a healthy dose of Mythbusters. I tried watching shows on Hulu.com, but that was just too dangerous. My social networking is calling to me, and it's not happy I've been ignoring it.

Friday, 3:49PM - I'm avoiding going out today, hoping to miss all of the newspapers, etc. Kerri is running some errands, but I'm just staying locked inside.

Friday, 8:10PM - The pizza we got from Whole Foods is the best take-and-bake or frozen pizza I've ever, ever had. Good thing, too. I was craving BDubs, but now I'm full. The roommate decided to be "awesome" and turn the TV on in the living room...So here I sit, again/still, in bed.

Saturday, 11:51AM - Getting ready for work, the beginning of two days of potentially hearing The Answer inadvertently. There will be hundreds of people at the ball fields today, and I know someone will be mumbling about it.

Saturday, 10:18PM - Just got back from work, and I didn't hear a whisper. It might be old news now, just 49 hours after it happened. Go figure.

Sunday, 12:09PM - This is the first time I've slept in for a few months, but I woke up worried about the World Cup. I have to watch it, but it might have to be on mute.

Sunday, 5:06PM - Holy hell what a game. The Answer wasn't mentioned once, and I love it.

Sunday, 11:53PM - The Sounders got a point in a 1-1 draw against F.C. Dallas (though it should have been a win...). Time for bed, or something. 80 hours and continuing.

Monday, 2:45PM - Kicking the horrible roommate out makes for a good distraction, AND it opens up the other bedroom for my Sounders paint!! (He, for the third month in a row, didn't think he owed 1/3 of the bills because he didn't stay here the same number of days that we did.) I have a feeling the Home Run Derby tonight might have The Answer hidden within it.

Tuesday, 2:47PM - Went to Moe's Southwest Grill(e) for lunch. They have ESPN on all the TVs, and I was sure I had made a bad decision...but not a single hint of The Answer.

Tuesday, 11:33PM - 122 hours in, and I'm beginning to think I'll never know. It's old news, and probably has been. All that build up, all that hype, all that supposing...but now who cares? Other things have happened.

Wednesday, 2:57AM - One thing that's awesome about not following things that don't matter, is that you pay more attention to things you care about. In a few hours, I will be joining the Black Hills Militia, a subgroup of the Emerald City Supporters - the major support organization of my Seattle Sounders FC.

Wednesday, 10:57AM - Today is the first day since I began my quest for un-knowledge that I decided to watch TV all day. But like I said before, I don't think I'll see anything. It's old news.

Wednesday, 5:25PM - I feel like I've proven my point. Though I won't find out on purpose (per se), I won't shelter myself like I have been.

Wednesday, 10:56PM - Well, an AD on Facebook did me in. An advertisement, of all things. Lebron is in Miami. Six days and one hour (145 hours total). Damn social networking.

So, there you have it. It's entirely possible to go almost an entire week without knowing the OMG MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER LE'BRAWN IZ IN MYAMEE.


  1. I admire your chutzpah, leaving comments open on this post. And fine, fine work on avoiding The Answer. :)

  2. Haha, you made it almost a week? Nice work!